Asking Eric: Couple met on vacation keeps inviting themselves over

by | Jan 22, 2025 | Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: My husband and I hope you can help us with a sticky situation. About six years ago, we met a couple on a cruise and as they had friends near us, we invited them to visit when in our area.

This happened and all went well as we share many common interests. However, as the years progressed, this couple has repeatedly invited themselves to our house, even more than once a year and always during the winter months.

I should also add that we live in Florida, and they are Northerners, and this invitation is never reciprocated. The lady of this couple is highly abrasive and we have reached our tolerance level. I’m sure they have no idea of our true feelings, although we never invite them to visit us. How may we extricate ourselves from this uncomfortable situation?

– Cruise Out of Control

Dear Cruise: Wow, these snowbirds really found the golden egg when they linked up with you on the high seas. They may not realize they’re overstepping, so it’s time to clip their wings, as it were.

You can have a direct conversation, telling them that things have changed on your end, and you think it’s best you all go your separate ways. This avoids confusion but runs the risk of ruffling feathers, especially if all has seemed well-and-good to them up until now. Their bruised feelings are their responsibility to deal with, but I understand if this is a little more hawkish than you’d like.

The other option is to simply tell them you’re not available to host them anymore the next time they call to invite themselves. “We’re glad you enjoyed yourselves, but things have changed for us down here and we can’t welcome you as we did in the past.” If you want to preserve civility, perhaps offer to get a meal if/when you’re next near their nest.

Dear Eric: My parents are in their late 80s, and I feel very fortunate they live independently and are financially secure. However, my mother has developed a mania for travel over the past few years which has caused my sister and me a lot of stress.

This year alone, she’s taken five international cruises and at least as many domestic trips. My mother has mobility issues and was diagnosed with cognitive decline, and her doctor advised her against solo travel.

When my schedule permits, I’ve gone along, and seen her forget to eat meals, get confused about what city she’s in, struggle to walk during tours and develop aches and pains, and spend half the day sleeping. Just last month, she couldn’t figure out online boarding for her cruise or how to find the car I’d booked when she docked in my city.

She stayed with me for several days afterward and barely left the couch, complaining frequently about how tiring the trip was. Less than two weeks later, she announced she’d planned another lengthy cruise to Asia next year; she’d clearly forgotten about her experience on the one she’d just taken. I was so upset I had to end the call.

At this point, what can we do? We don’t want to take away something she looks forward to, even if she doesn’t really enjoy it much at this point and offered to alternate taking her on three or four shorter trips each year. It didn’t help and my father, who is almost 90, threw up his hands long ago. Should we investigate cutting off her credit cards or other drastic steps?

– Globe Trotter

Dear Globe: I know this is concerning and you want to do what’s right to protect your mom, but don’t grab the credit cards and the scissors just yet. Trying to disempower her may cause her to withdraw or cut you off. She’s going to need you in her corner going forward.

If it’s possible, you or your sister should go to the doctor with her and talk through exactly what the nature of decline the doctor is noticing. Compare what the doctor says to what you’re noticing and experiencing.

With the doctor and your mom, clearly lay out your concerns about travel and ask for the doctor’s advice. Even if the doctor just reiterates that solo travel isn’t advisable, ask for alternative strategies and ways of helping your mom to remember. You’ll want to make her a partner in her care.

With cognitive decline, it’s often necessary to have multiple conversations before a loved one makes a change. But continuing to be honest and compassionate with your mom, while also being insistent about the need to be more involved in her care, will help her feel empowered while also providing her the care she needs. The Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) has a wealth of resources and guidance to support you, as well.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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Canada’s ‘red state tariff plan’ should be the model for the rest of the world

by | Jan 22, 2025 | Politics, The Moderate Voice

What do orange juice from Florida; bourbon from Kentucky; potatoes from Idaho; Coca-Cola from Georgia; and automobiles from Alabama and South Carolina have in common? These red state goods may be on a potential list of imports slated for tariffs in Canada.

Incoming President Donald Trump has threatened Canada with a 25% tariff on items it exports to the United States.

“The Americans would be starting a trade war against us ,” Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Melanie Joly said on Friday.

Approximately 3-in-4 Canadian exports land in the United States. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Canadian officials have developed a three-phase response to the threat.

First, Canadian leaders will continue to work with U.S. officials to attempt to prevent tariffs. Canada has already pledged a “$1.3-billion border security plan ,” for example.

Second, Canadian leaders are preparing a tariff response should Trump go through with his threat. For example, Canada might establish tariffs on consumer goods “made in Republican or swing states, where the pain of tariffs, like pressure on jobs and the bottom lines of local businesses, would affect Trump allies.”

Canada imports U.S. goods valued at $150,000,000,000 Canadian.

The detailed list of goods is closely held, but it includes dozens of consumer goods from various categories, such as food and beverages, as well as other types of daily products, including dishwashers and porcelain goods like bathtubs and toilets.

Other nations threatened with U.S. tariffs should take the same targeted approach in response. You cannot expect those countries to sit quietly while the U.S. imposes tariffs. That’s not how trade agreements work.

The third is a long-term effort: “diversify Canada’s export market and [ensure] there are no trade barriers across the country.”

Should Trump proceed, the results will be disastrous.

According to Sunday’s WSJ , for at least the next two years both inflation and interest rates are likely to be worse than forecasters anticipated before the election. Does that mean forecasters didn’t take Trump’s rhetoric seriously? Because he’s been planning this for months.

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President Biden’s Farewell Address to the Nation: One Person’s View

by | Jan 22, 2025 | Politics, The Moderate Voice

White House photo

Millions of Americans listened to President Biden’s farewell speech to the nation last night.

Each of those Americans will have a unique opinion, a different reaction, depending on a myriad of factors and shaped by his or her background and social and political views.

These are some of my views:

I loved the President’s allegorical references to the Statue of Liberty. How she “sways back and forth to withstand the fury of stormy weather, to stand the test of time…an enduring symbol of the soul of our nation, a soul shaped by forces that bring us together and by forces that pull us apart. And yet, through good times and tough times, we have withstood it all.”

He returned to this powerful symbolism at the conclusion of his address by reminding us:

Yes, we sway back and forth to withstand the fury of the storm, to stand the test of time, a constant struggle, constant struggle. A short distance between peril and possibility. But what I believe is the America of our dreams is always closer than we think. And it’s up to us to make our dreams come true.

President Biden cautioned Americans against the “dangerous concentration of power in the hands of a very few ultrawealthy people, and the dangerous consequences if their abuse of power is left unchecked.”

It is a warning of an unelected oligarchy that today “is taking shape in America of extreme wealth, power and influence that literally threatens our entire democracy, our basic rights and freedoms and a fair shot for everyone to get ahead…[a] concentration of power and wealth [that] erodes a sense of unity and common purpose. [That] causes distrust and division…”

Mr. Biden recalls and echoes President Eisenhower’s warning of a “military-industrial complex,” this time a “tech-industrial complex that could pose real dangers for our country as well.”

Clearly referring to recent developments in social media platforms and in media in general, Mr. Biden warned that “Americans are being buried under an avalanche of misinformation and disinformation enabling the abuse of power.” “The free press is crumbling,” he says, “Editors are disappearing. Social media is giving up on fact-checking. The truth is smothered by lies told for power and for profit.”

He notes how Artificial Intelligence “offers more profound possibilities and risks for our economy, and our security, our society,” but “could spawn new threats to our rights, our way of life, to our privacy, how we work, and how we protect our nation.” “We must make sure A.I. is safe and trustworthy and good for all humankind,” he adds.

He spoke proudly about his record and accomplishments – which are many and significant – without making it a smorgasbord brimming with braggadocio, boastful bravado all too often lacking credibility that is so typical of his successor.

Rather he urged Americans to “keep pushing forward and push faster” in areas such as technology and innovations avoiding “the concentration of technology, power and wealth.”

He repeatedly emphasized the need to protect our nation and our institutions against the abuse of power by “respecting the institutions that govern a free society — the presidency, the Congress, the courts, a free and independent press,” our system of separation of powers, checks and balances: “[a system] that may not be perfect, but has maintained our democracy for nearly 250 years…” Also, term limits, enforcing “the strongest ethics,” getting dark money out of politics.

Biden addressed a concern that has been bearing heavily on the minds of so many Americans. “We need to amend the Constitution to make clear that no president, no president is immune from crimes that he or she commits while in office. The president’s power is not unlimited — it is not absolute. And it shouldn’t be,” he said.

Finally, after expressing his love for his family, his gratitude and appreciation to members of his administration, public service and military service members, President Biden expressed his “eternal thanks” to the American people, stating his firm belief in “the idea for which this nation stands — a nation where the strength of our institutions and the character of our people matter and must endure.”

He enjoined, “Now it’s your turn to stand guard. May you all be the keeper of the flame. May you keep the faith. I love America. You love it, too.”

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